Yeah, I haven’t written since September. I warned you this might happen. You can’t write when you’ve got nothing to write about! But I am writing now because February starts tomorrow, and I have this hypothesis that positive change is more achievable in February. I don’t know what it is about the second month that makes me feel this way, but I do always feel like happiness will be much more manageable in February. Sometimes I am right, and I start a new habit that I manage to keep up long term, and sometimes I am wrong and I never do or stick to the thing that I endeavor to change. More often than not I am right. I am fully aware that the fact it is February probably has nothing to do with any of this, but it does seem to be a pattern. These changes tend to make me much, much, happier. I started being a vegan in a February. I stopped believing in God in a February. I started writing blogs in February (not this blog). Last year I made an entire new friend group in February, and entered the world of performance poetry. Maybe it is because it is a shorter month, and so I somehow convince myself it will be easier to try things out and give things a go. Maybe it is because I always start the new year with the idea that I am going to better myself this year, and I get to the end of January and see nothing has actually changed and think “Tae hang wi’ this, I’m makin’ a stand!” and then take on February with much more determination than the previous month. Who knows what the reason is, it doesn’t really matter as long as happiness is achieved… right?
Last January I lost my job and broke up with my boyfriend. I wasn’t particularly upset about these things, I had hated my job, and it was my decision to break up with the guy. Despite this the job, the relationship, the referendum, and the recent death of a loved one had all taken their toll on me and I really wasn’t very well, physically or mentally. I decided to do something about it. I slept a lot, for weeks. This was extremely beneficial for me, and I am so lucky that I was in a position where this was possible. One day I decided to stop sleeping and to get proactive, I decided to take up something that I had dabbled in in the past: Saying Yes. I considered myself to be a Yes Woman (partly under the influence of Danny Wallace) but I hadn’t actually been saying yes to many things since my referendum hangover took over. In February I went to every event I was invited to (unless I was double booked, in which case I went to the one that I agreed to first). This was great because my friend Aileen had been running a campaign to save the Buchanan street steps, and she needed help and I needed a pathway back into activism. I got involved with this campaign at a very late stage, and as a result I made a whole crowd of new friends. Another friend, Ross, invited me to loads of performance poetry nights, and I went along to every single one of them. I even started to perform again. I didn’t think this would ever happen again. I am so grateful to these two friends for extending these invitations to me, and for helping me get back to being a person who I am comfortable with being.
So, what will happen this February? I am feeling pretty well loved, and I have a pretty hot social life. I am not overly healthy, but there is not a huge deal I can do about that*. I am broke though, and my business isn’t making very much money at all. I have decided that in February I am going to deal with these issues and take control of my business, rather than sitting back and watching things get worse. I am going to do my book keeping, I’m going to write more material, I am going to set up a website (with a new logo that is being designed for me by a brilliant and talented artist), I am going to invest in advertising, and I am going to make money. I have decided these things will happen… and so they will. I must have a better chance of succeeding than if it were any other month… Come on February, work your magic.