Preface

Hello, my name is Kirsty and I am a terrible blogger. This is true, not only in the quality of my blogs (whiny boring self centered nonsense that nobody would want to read), but also in the quantity (I haven’t actually blogged for eight months). I read through my old blogs and mostly I am embarrassed, but I have decided not to delete them because there are parts in them that I must keep so that I can occasionally remind myself how far I have come since then, and also how much I have still to grow.

I want to remind you that this is indeed a preface, and that there is a “good bit” coming eventually, just give me another wee moment to update the blog with my life over the past eight months and then I will be able to continue.

In the past eight months everything has been quite terrible.

I feel like that is enough of an update for me to now continue with the preface.

If given a space to talk about myself, whether it be a blog or a “How are you? What have you been up to?” section of a conversation, I will almost always unload the reader/listener with the most depressing load of oversharing that they have ever heard. I will moan not only about my immediate situation (I’m hungry, I’m cold, I have an overwhelming taste of cauliflower in my mouth, etc.) but also about life in general (I’m poor, I’m sick, I can’t find any work, I have been rejected for PIP, etc.). Nobody cares. Okay that is not true, like maybe about five people outside of your immediate family care. And just because they care doesn’t mean you have to unload all this information on them at any given minute, you dour, self centered, boring, woman-child. They, and the others who you are oversharing with, would much prefer if you were telling them about cheerful happy things that actually enriched their day.

I remember when I was working for Yes and whenever I was at an event on behalf of Yes I would have to be this cheery, nice, approachable person who was interesting to talk to. It was actually quite nice because I found that, as this person, I made contacts who actually wanted to stay in touch. It wasn’t until afterwards that they found out what a depressing bat I am that they decided never to speak to me IRL again. It is the same when I am working with kids, no matter how annoyed at the world I am I never let it show to the kids because my time with them is all about fun and learning, and making them like me and want their parents/teachers to invite me back to work with them again. I really enjoy these times. It is almost like a fake it until you make it situation, but it actually really makes me a bit less grumpy for the rest of the day.

It was when I was thinking about this I realised that can’t remember the last time I was happy without faking it. Like properly happy. Nothing else matters kind of happy. Completely consumed by happiness. I am not even sure if that is a thing that can happen. It is for this reason, among others, that I have decided to give myself a little project to firstly try and identify happiness, then identify what creates happiness, and then try and use this knowledge to try and be generally just happier. I mean I have the best friends in the world, my family are a constant source of love and support, I have a really nice flat, and although my purse is sometimes a bit empty I still manage to have a better standard of living than a lot of people who live in this world. I should be happy. At least sometimes.

The project starts on Saturday, it will last until I get bored of it. I was going to make it a year but really those project for a year things are a little stale now because they have been done so many times. I have been reading other people’s thoughts/projects/studies on happiness, and as much as I sometimes do wish I was a wealthy, powerful, super well connected person with an exciting New York social life, I am not (sorry fifteen year old Kirsty, I let you down so much). I don’t think my life experiences and the authors of these happiness books life experiences really overlap very much. I am still going to read their stuff and see what they say, maybe take a few pointers, maybe just enjoy ridiculing them, who knows. Please recommend anything you think I might like.

I also am interested to hear from anyone who might be reading this blog. I mean if you have made it this far down this blog so far I am utterly amazed, you must really be invested now if you have sieved through all of that. Are you happy? When was the last time you felt happy? What does it mean to be happy? What are the key components of happiness? Please do comment!

See you on Saturday x

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3 thoughts on “Preface

  1. Joy

    Hello Kirsty the terrible blogger !

    Your post reminded of a couple of things, firstly that I have at least one book on happiness in my kindle sample collection that I want to read. Here it is : http://www.amazon.co.uk/Stumbling-Happiness-P-S-Daniel-Gilbert/dp/0007183135/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1438287947&sr=8-1&keywords=stumbling+on+happiness.

    And secondly that I had wanted to learn more about the economics of happiness. Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness_economics

    Am I happy? yes most of the time I am, and I’m sorry that your not. What do I find happiness in ? Well it sounds contrite but a lot of the time it can be quite small things in life, a piece of music on the radio way into work, the stillness in the garden in an evening, this fantastic baileys cheesecake with a salted caramel centre I had once, a whole punnet of Strawberries to myself , seeing a man some mornings on the way to work who stands in his pyjamas in the middle of the road to help his wife get out the drive safely. So many things 🙂 and that’s just the little things.

    So I wish you luck in your pursuit .

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    1. intensifyeverything Post author

      I am content a lot of the time Joy, but not happy. Like I feel like happiness is like a pure thing that doesn’t have anything else on it. I feel like being just happy is something that is difficult. Small things in life make me appreciative and glad, but the big things dwelling over me (or even other small things just niggling at me) always mean that I am not completely happy. I came across that Daniel Gilbert book already actualy, it is one of the main ones I have been reading, along with Gretchin Ruben’s “The Happiness Project”. I often say to people at the end of messages “I hope you are happy and well!”, and I really do mean it despite my who happiness uncertainty! I hope you are happy and well 🙂

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  2. Jenny

    I think we all float about in this limbo land of ‘meh’ from time to time. I have recently found myself unemployed, and quickly found myself suffering from that queue inevitable existential crisis. I was happy with my freedom at first and so thought not working made me happy. But then it stopped making me happy and made me feel frustraited. I would like to say though that the bland, beige world we often find ourselves gooped up in can be such an exciting platform as long as we notice the potential. If you know what makes you sad and if you know what you don’t want to experience again, you can work with yourself from there to find out what really makes you happy and shape your life that way 🙂

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