/ɪˈfɛmərəl/

(First posted 12th May 2013, re-posted 28th Jan 2014)

“I am not a good writer. I was, once, but now I get too caught up in the words. I think about them too much. I care too much about dictionary definitions and connotations. I get lost in metaphors. I can’t send a sentence into the internet without thinking about its permanence. The fact it will now be there forever. The idea of this makes me feel like there is a lot of pressure put on me to make what I am going to write be something that I won’t worry about people reading. I won’t regret an apostrophe, I won’t wish I’d spelt something with an extra ‘r’, I won’t be embarrassed by how liberal I’ve been with exclamation marks. Even there I used a thesaurus to find a synonym of regret (and couldn’t find one that was a true synonym). I am plagued by my desire to please. I don’t want to be ridiculed for my punctuation, grammar, or word choice. Writing, for me, is the equivalent of that outfit that you have in the back of your cupboard, but you won’t wear it because you are too worried about what people will think. Recently I have come to be of the opinion that it doesn’t matter what people think of my outfits, in fact I now believe that it doesn’t matter what people think of my appearance in general. I also no longer care about what people think of what I say. I will say what ever I feel like saying, and use what word choice and grammar I fancy. I am unable to do this for writing though, and I think the reason for this might be that, aside from in photographs and hurt feelings, my outfits and speech don’t leave anything behind. They are almost ephemeral. When I type the words are here to stay in plain view for everyone to see, forever. Or until I delete them.”

The above is from an old blog post from the 9th of May 2012. I think it is still relevant.

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